Conference Hound-Up May 2, 2012: Quantum Shark Will Eat You In The Past

Yeah - now imagine me with a BIGASS FUTURE-GUN.

I don’t want to alarm you, but it’s entirely possible that our technology is falling into the hands of evil, sea-dwelling monsters.  I realize we’ve probably killed off like 90% of the sharks in the world, but they’re still pretty creepy.

Hey everybody! It’s time for Pool Expo 2012!  If you need the latest news and gadgetry in the pool industry, hop a quick flight over to Istanbul and get in on all the slippery fun.  This exciting event lasts only four days! They guarantee no sea monsters will be in attendance.

The Startup Conference starts up and finishes off today in Mountain View, gathering thousands of our most intelligent and eager entrepreneurs into a single auditorium for the day.  I hope Lex Luthor doesn’t know about this.

MEET is all acronyming the hell out of Mechanical Electronic Electrical Technology.  Is that redundant?  Anyway, lucky attendees up in Canada will get to view the latest innovations in electronics and electricals!  A great place to source spare parts for your latest weapon of doom!

Hoteliers are beginning to gather in Atlanta for the AAHOA Annual Convention and Trade Show.  Particularly Asian Hoteliers, as this event is held by the Asian American Hotel Owners Association.  But, you knew that.  This is a pretty big convention for the trade show industry which offers some neat bonuses, like Indian Cuisine and Bollywood performances.

The hopes and dreams of supervillains across the globe are starting to become realized.  Not only is global warming making serious progress towards wiping out every land-dwelling creature on earth, there’s also some crazy dudes out there who have successfully attached LASERS to a SHARK.

Meanwhile, Cracked has compiled a gallery of technologies that should definitely exist, but which our geeks and scientists have been too lazy to develop (as far as we know), like fart-cloaking underwear and killer bears trained for military use.

Someday we will begin to actually comprehend the possibilities of quantum technology, but I’m beginning to doubt that it will be anytime soon.  This shit just keeps getting more and more weird and complex.  For example, these quantum entanglements can now be manipulated and basically defy the laws of physics.  I just hope we figure this stuff out before the sharks do.

Filed Under: Technology Conferences

About the Author: Matt hails from Boston and has a background in Film and Writing. As weather phenomena go, he prefers earthquakes to Nor'easters these days, so he's currently residing in the East Bay. He produced a feature film called "Night Sounds" after graduating from Emerson College, which premiered at a film festival in Massachusetts. Matt continues to write screenplays and work in the film community, while working as a freelance copywriter, editor, and part-time member of the Hound.